Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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