i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
