I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
