I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
