i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
