There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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