So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
