It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
