if only i could text you this smell
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm both gender and math confused
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
