When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
