So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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