is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
