I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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