My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
