the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
