My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
