So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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