You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
