dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
