Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
