she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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