i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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