I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
