WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
