You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
