dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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