I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
