Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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