I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
