Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
