sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize