We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
