if you like me you must not know who I am
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
