I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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