Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
