Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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