see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
