I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
