I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
