Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
