oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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