Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's the barista slut.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
