Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
