her vagine was all disorganized.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
