You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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