Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize