I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
