do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
