my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
