plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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