I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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