Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize