ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
