tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
