You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
