dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
