somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
