Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
