You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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