Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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