Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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