Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
