Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
