Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
