we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
