Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
