im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
