Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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