what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
