You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
