**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
