did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
