I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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