I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
