She announced her abortion via fbk
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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