you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
