i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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