Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
