Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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