How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
