i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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