Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
