once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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