Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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