He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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